he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
