Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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