She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
