Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
