escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
