Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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