Kiss
Puke
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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