So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
