Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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