Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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