just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
