u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
