Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize