what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
