NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
