there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
