just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can I color on your dick again?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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