ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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