So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
