My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
