Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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