well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
