I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
