We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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