He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
