Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
