Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
