Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
