It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
