new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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