I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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