So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
