I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
