imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
