I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
