Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize