sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize