Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
