I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
