watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
