i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
