You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
