I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
