he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize