Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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