She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
