I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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