i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
