I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
