you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
