one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
PANTIES FOUND
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
