Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
