Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
