Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
