If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
