i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
