So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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