I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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