Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
