My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize