I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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