giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
