My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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