I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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