Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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