My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
