Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
