I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
