ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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