you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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