a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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