Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
