i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
