YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
