Sponge bath it is.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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