Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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