You're my little dorito
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize