Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
