I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
