Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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