I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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