Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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