I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize