Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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