Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
