bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
