i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
