so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
