Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
