Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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