dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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