Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
