Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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