Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
