And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
