Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
