I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
