i permit you to call me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Still dying that you shit outside
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
