Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
