I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize