Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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