maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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