Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
