shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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