Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
