I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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